Talking to Kids About Death

Tell children soon, so they hear it from someone they trust, in short and simple words. Avoid phrases like "passed away" or "went to sleep," which can confuse them (Dougy Center (opens in a new tab)).

Under 5

• Share four simple ideas: the person isn't coming back; they aren't hurting; everything that lives dies someday; it's not your fault.
• Skip "gone to sleep" or "gone on a long trip." They can make children afraid of sleep or travel.

Ages 5 to 12

• Most children understand that death is permanent by about ages 5-7, but may struggle to accept it.
• Answer questions honestly, again and again. Explain the cause simply, so they don't blame themselves.

Teens

• Many resist talking about it. Some pull away; some take risks such as drinking. Be patient, and show healthy ways to cope.

Words to skip, at any age

"At least…" · "Be strong" · "I know just how you feel" · "You'll feel better soon"

Funerals

Invite children, explain what they'll see and hear, and make every part optional. Ask a trusted adult who isn't grieving as deeply to stay with them.

What you can do today: listen more than you talk. Children's grief groups and camps, often free, can help too. Read how to talk to children about death, by age.